Where did my Mellow go?

Today kind of sucks. I have a headache. Its after 8 p.m. and I haven't taken my anti-depressants yet. I went to bed around 6 last night, I slept until 11a.m. and I'm currently drinking a coke. I'm tired, I've only gotten half of my homework done and I'm feeling gross, fat, sloppy and sorry for myself.

Today is not an uncommon experience for me, especially on weekends or extended breaks from school/work.

Last week I had noticed that during the day at work, I was feeling oddly mellow. I was chuckling a lot. Things were rolling off my shoulders and I wasn't feeling them. My ability to accommodate the needs of my fellow man felt expansive. At one point as I was walking past the rows of cubicles in our staff area, I paused and thought to myself how great it was that I was eating WFPB and feeling this way.

Now while some people may desire to feel "happy," I'm rather wary of any such pleasurable emotion. Because I find it draining. And it inevitably is followed by a steep decline. I've often spent time pondering whether it was better to feel happy or content. It may be that man (in the plural sense, including us women) exist so that we can experience joy... but if you've ever been severely, chronically depressed and if you've ever had episodes of mania or hypomania, if you've ever experienced TOO MUCH emotion, you might just consider "mellow" to be the ultimate mortal state of being.

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I was doing alright last week. I was staying on the WFPB path for breakfast and lunch. I was eating fast food for dinner its true, but I kept giving myself a "pass" on this. Just one more day... then I'll get all the way on board, and then I'll update my blog so I can share my success with a 100% day.

I did, in fact, have one 100% day.  It was the evening I came home and fell asleep immediately after work, thus skipping dinner.

I was feeling lighter inside (even though the scale certainly wasn't showing it) and since I'm in the habit of avoiding mirrors that show anything below the neck, well, it was easy to ignore reality and fool myself into thinking that 66% was good enough.

And then my lax attitude came back to bite me in the behind. First, I had a lunch "out".  Then I did it again the next day, and I skipped breakfast. Then today, I again skipped breakfast and had lunch and dinner "out." 

Did I mention that I feel muckfrumping grobbled?

I do not have any happy, good feelings right now. I want my mellow back. And I don't want to grocery shop or cook... or do laundry or sweep ever again. I also don't want to brush my teeth or shower, and I REALLY don't want greasy hair!!! And I feel like crying but I hate crying. I am being cantankerous. And crabby. And also tetchy.  Do you know what tetchy means? Me neither. Websters Online says it means "bad tempered and irritable."  That is pretty much how I'm feeling. THIS is what cheese does to me:

So now I am going to end this sad, pathetic, doleful, lamentable, pitiable, derisory, tragic... discourse.

Look for a more uplifting post soon (I will, too).

I need a hug.
Duffy