Scale Frustration

First, I did have 1, 100% day last week. But only one.

Second, here are my goals for the upcoming week:

1. As many 100% days as I can manage.*

2. Naked nuts only (not something I crave)

3. Practice "eat something healthy first"

*I didn't assign a specific number because I realized that last week, after I accomplished the number (1) I felt I had permission to not aim for 100% compliance the rest of the week. Silly mental games.

And third, I just wrote this e-mail to a friend and it seemed honest and poignant enough to copy and paste here since it is feeling like a defining moment in my journey and one I'll likely want to look back on in the future and remember how far I've come:

Last week's weight loss: 1.4lbs.

This week's weight loss: 0.8lbs.

If I was doing *everything* I was supposed to be doing, I would break down and cry right now and wonder what the point is. 

But since I haven't been- doing everything I'm supposed to that is- I'm going to redouble my efforts. Goodbye soda. (Now I might actually cry). Goodbye honey roasted nuts.

I did have intentions to try a carrot salad recipe that uses cashews in the sauce this week and I also finally bought some walnuts so I can make try the infamous walnut sauce. I'm not sure if the former is a good idea though. Maybe I'll just eat the carrots plain... when I was trying to do ETL a couple years back, I found any sauce containing cashews (like cheez sauce) seriously addicting and way over-ate it. I've been meaning to try a cauliflower-based cheez sauce instead and it surely won't measure up if I start eating cashew sauces again!

 I don't want to go 100% MWL right now because I don't feel strong enough and am afraid I'd fall off the wagon from a combination of food addiction + lack of veggie love.  I know its not the end of the world to not enjoy your food for a few weeks-- so you say. It just feels like it! ;-)

 I am stubbornly feeling right now that my sacrifices-- giving up fast food, candy, chocolate, cheese, chips, breads (other than Dave's which is oil-free) etc. should be equating with a significant weekly, if not daily, weight loss.  In fact if I examine my expectations, I guess I thought I should be losing at least 3lbs. a week.  I guess it doesn't work that way when I've still been filling up on nuts, so very high on the calorie density scale.

 Alright, the only thing I can really do at this point is decide whether I'm going forward or backward. There is no standing still. And I don't want to go backward. So I take the next step in cleaning up my diet this week, and if I shake my fist at the heavens a bit along the way, well, hopefully He'll understand and help me anyway.

 Just one more whiny-ish thought: It will never be fair that men lose fat so much easier/faster than women! Never!

I feel like her right now: